Heavens Grief
by MaeganMarie
Summary: Essena ponders over her situation with the Institute when Danse comes to join her. Drabble/fluff!
A/N: So this is just a little fluff drabble between Danse and my F!SS Essena. I don't think this will progress into anything more than this, but who knows! Xx

* * *

The Prydwyn had always been quiet after 9pm, but out on the flight deck, it was even quieter. Just the soft sound of the wind whipping about the metal and the faint _chop_ of vertibirds in the distance. It was where she could find the most peace. There was something a little unnerving about sleeping in a big open space with a bunch of other people around you. And as of late, she felt like she had a good reason to want to be alone.

Shawn was gone. Her baby was older than she was. A child she could have worked with. There was still the chance of raising him in his father's image, teaching him things, even if she still didn't know that much about surviving in this wasteland. Some would say that she had been doing a pretty good job at it, for someone that had just walked out of a vault and picked up a 10mm. But if she was being honest with herself, she had just gotten lucky. Lucky enough to meet the right people that would have her back at a moment's notice, that would protect her and teach her how to aim.

But what could she teach an old man? He already had his beliefs. And they were _well_ ingrained into his brain. There was nothing that she could do for him. Her son was gone. She had a better chance of changing Danse's opinion on ghouls and synths then she did on making Shaun see the the commonwealth wasn't all that bad. Sure, people would readily shoot at you over a bottle cap and there were some scary beasts out there, but the world was making progress. Baby steps, right?

Essena sighed and ran her thumb over the top of the Nuka Cola she had brought with her. The one thing that she had been fighting for seemed like a lost cause now. What would she fight for? She was being pulled in different directions, between her son wanting her to join the Institute, the Railroad, the Brotherhood. Hell, the Minutemen were the only ones that seemed to want everyone to win and live together happily. Joining with them would have been the obvious choice if she just wasn't so _conflicted_ because of a pair of big, brown eyes. Having feelings for Danse wasn't really part of the problem, it was just something else that would weigh on her shoulders because he was her commanding officer and it would just never happen.

 _"_ **Solider.** _"_ The faint steps on metal that she would never associate with him came up on her before she knew it. Out in the field, he was always in his power armor. Because of the late hour, he no longer needed it. Though she would argue that he never needed it around her. Or maybe it was for the best that he did.

 _"_ **Hey. You're up late.** _"_ she mused, sliding over on the crate she had been sitting on to make room for him.  
 _"_ **I went to check on you in the med bay. When you weren't there, I figured I'd find you out here.** _"_ he said, seating himself beside her. _"_ **Cade is going to freak if he notices you're gone.** _"  
"_ **I'm kind of putting my money on the fact that he won't notice.** _"_

Cade had wanted to monitor her after returning from the Institute, but sleeping there was next to impossible. Her fingers continued to trace the top of the bottle in her hands, but she was focused on Danse sitting beside her. The closeness was something that she was used too, as they tended to have to be when out in the field, and she couldn't describe it with anything other than comfortable. _"_ **What happened, Essena? With the Institute?** _"_

She flinched gently, both at the question and the use of her name. He only used it when he was willing to open up to her, when he was willing to listen to her with devoted attention. But she wasn't sure she wanted to talk about it. She was subconsciously shaking her head, to which he sighed and nodded. The fact that she hadn't come back with her son was enough for him to know that whatever had happened wasn't going to be good news. He would wait, though he was frustrated that he couldn't do anything to help her.

 _"_ **You bleed Brotherhood.** _"_ she said, after a beat.  
 _"_ **What?** _"  
"_ **I want to tell you. I want the weight of what I know off of my shoulders, but… this is something that I'm not ready to share with the Brotherhood. With Elder Maxson. Not until I figure things out. And once you know, you'll be obligated as Paladin to tell them.** _"_

He stared at her. _"_ **That's not fair.** _"  
"_ **You would die for the Brotherhood, I understand.** _"  
"_ **I would also die for you!** _"_ Danse turned his body to face her, placing a hand under her chin to get her to look at him. _"_ **You're more important to me then regulations at the moment.** _"_

Essena looked at him in surprise. This was unexpected. She had thought that he would fight her tooth and nail for the information, or at least wait until she cracked under the pressure of harboring such a secret. But this. This revealing nature in him was new. And she would have to admit, she was both confused and anxious on the outcome of it. _"_ **At the moment.** _"_ she repeated, slowly, causing him to furrow his brows and huff a breath of slight annoyance.

Danse removed his hand when he knew she wouldn't turn away and ran it through his hair. _"_ **You know what I mean. I don't… I can't explain my feelings. And usually I don't. However, I also can't ignore the fact that we've grown close since Cambridge. And I would have to call myself an idiot if I didn't let you know that I have very strong feelings for you.** _"_ He sucked in a breath at this point, like it was painful for him to say these words aloud, before he continued. _"_ **You are what matters to me. I am going to be here for you when you decide you want to talk about what happened. And I will not be going to anyone with the information.** _"_

The heat had risen up her neck as he spoke, wondering if this was all some kind of crazy dream, a thought that she had had many times while wandering around the Commonwealth. But he finished and looked like a berated child as he stared at her, waiting for her to comment. All she could do was smile at him, her head resting on his shoulder with new found confidence. The action seemed to melt him, bring him out of his flustered state with a sigh as he gently wound his arm around her shoulder, tucking her into him. Essena didn't know when she would tell him, but she was comfortable and happy sitting there with him as he placed ghost like kisses on the top of her head.

This was something that she could see herself fighting for.


End file.
